 
Dealers
call these players ...
Dear
Mark,
I hate gambling with my cousin.
Not only is he irritating to other
players on the table, he is very
abusive to the dealer. You have
no idea how many times the dealer
has to tell him, could you please
do this, don't do that. How about
some written table manners I can
pass his way? Janie T.
A
front-line employee of a casino,
Janie, must obey two rules when
it comes to customers-even your
cousin. One, the player is always
right, and two, if the player is
wrong, see rule number one. Not
easy when a decent percentage of
players are running on high octane
drinks and losing money. And though
Bozo players (what we would call
your cousin) get their fair share
of negative commentary in the employee
breakroom, a dealer who lashes out
at any customer would be severely
reprimanded-fired!
But me, I've been paroled from my
18-year casino sentence, so I can
dole out some table etiquette without
repercussion. Here goes.
Know
the proper hit/stand signals for
the blackjack game you're playing.
In baseball, it's two hands for
beginners; on a live blackjack game,
the opposite. Some casinos are real
touchy-feely (throw you out) about
you doing anything funny to the
cards.
Once you've placed your wager, don't
touch your bet until you get paid.
If the cards are running against
you, don't keep asking for a new
deck. If you don't like your cards,
move to another table.
Expect with abusive language an
early departure from the casino.
Don't ask the dealer what her hole
card is. Dealers won't risk their
job over your wager. There's nothing
wrong with asking for advice, but
not after the dealer looks under
her face/ace.
If you lose several hands in a row,
don't accuse the dealer of cheating.
Most (99.999%) don't. It's most
likely a bad run of cards plus let's
not discount poor play. Also, abusing
"the messenger" for crummy
cards lacks any form of civility.
If you're using a basic strategy
card (recommended), don't refer
to it each and every hand. You should
have a basic understanding on how
to play most of your hands well
before you sit down on a game.
Using these lines? "Are you
going to be nice to me?" Question
is, are you going to be nice to
them. "Where are you from?"
It's most likely on their nametag.
"Do you live here?" Yes,
we're not Martians commuting from
Mars. Try some other light conversation.
Note: About every recipe I know,
from avocado dip to chicken wings,
came from some customer.
Don't walk up to a dealer and tell
him he looks bored, make him shuffle
a 6-deck shoe just to play one $5
bet, lose, then walk.
When betting for the dealer (worth
at least three separate columns),
keep the ratio a reasonable one.
I once had a professional baseball
player betting three hands at $500
a whack, with just a 50¢ bet
for me, the dealer, every third
shuffle. One month earlier he signed
a multi-million-dollar, 5-year contract.
His initials are. I better not.
Once the hand has been completed,
don't turn your cards over to help
the dealer. Dealers have a routine
and you're just slowing them down.
Besides, dealers need to spread
the cards a certain way so the cameras
can read them.
Finally,
dealers really don't care if the
sign outside their casino says "certified
friendly dealers." They just
want to be treated like you would
want to be treated.
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